Part IV: The Waiting Game

Waiting. We all love it, right? We love the anticipation of an unknown timeline with countless variables. We love the anxiety created by pesky HOW TO and WHAT IF questions that tumble about our minds. We thrive on unpredictability & uncertainty. We cannot wait for another delay to be imposed or another roadblock to be created. It’s awesome! It’s exhilarating! It’s an adrenaline rush! It’s…ABSOLUTELY NOT FUN! But, it is part of our lives, yours & mine.

God does not ask us to wait without purpose; He continues to mold & shape us, to strengthen & refine us. He has done that for us as individuals and as a couple throughout this process. We are convinced that adoption was in God’s plan for us all along and we wait with GREAT anticipation for the day when we hold our son for the very first time.

Even though it spans the greatest amount of time on the calendar, this post entry (Part IV) will be the shortest. There's not much to say; waiting is waiting. And, although at times it appears no progress is being made, we know that God is “working all things together for good.”

When we shared with family & friends our plans to adopt a child from Ethiopia, we included one prayer request with the announcement. It was as follows: We sincerely covet your prayers for wisdom during this emotional & exciting process – specifically that we can live believing in God’s ability to create faith in our hearts which is greater than our fears. It is our prayer to this day & we are so very thankful to serve a God who is always listening.

Stay Tuned for Part V: The Referral! To be shared on a Future/Unknown Date.

Part III: The Paperwork Chase

I thought I was prepared for all the forms. Nope. It was overwhelming! From finger-printing requirements at certain locations, during certain hours to evening/Saturday/online classes to endless autobiographies, detailed family trees and multiple interviews. Whew! I really was not prepared.

Blake was a trooper in compiling page upon page of financial details & worked on any requirements involving a government agency. I tackled the rest.

I sent emails to Blake throughout the day asking questions like: Where were you born again; DesPlaines or Park Ridge? Height/Weight? SSN? College graduation date? Address of your first apartment? What color socks are you wearing right now?!?

I bought a package of neon page markers and, for a week straight, when Blake arrived home I would direct him to Sign Here and Here and Here and Here. Like a drill sergeant I’d say, “Fill this form out before Saturday’s class. I don’t know either; just write what comes to mind (NO. Not that; write something else.)”

I spent hours at the post office sending/receiving packages & in front of a Xerox machine making duplicates of paperwork for one government/social agency or another.

It was a harried time and yet on some days, when I closed by eyes, I could almost see my child peeking over my shoulder urging me to fill out just one more form, answer one more question. With each completed task, he/she was getting one step closer to being a forever part of our family. And so, we pressed on.

Here are the nitty-gritty dates; probably only interesting to those who have/will be going thru the process.

• April 13th – initial meeting with HomeStudy agency (TheCradle)
• April 24th – application accepted by Children’s Home Society & Family Services (CHSFS)
• June 15th – all paperwork, interviews, preliminary education requirements completed
• June 22nd – actual home visit completed, final meeting with TheCradle counselor
• July 24th – HomeStudy draft received later than expected, required some edits
• July 25th – HomeStudy sent to CHSFS for review; hoping for approval prior to August 1st
• August 1st – no approval; new State Law effective 08/01 added 3 weeks to process
• August 22nd – HomeStudy accepted by CHSFS and Illinois DCFS
• August 24th – sent final paperwork to State of Illinois for authentication stamp/signature
• September 1st – received document back, sent to CHSFS with rest of dossier documents
• September 5th – officially waiting for a boy, 0-12 months at time of referral

I think every adoptive family has a paperwork-chase story. Here’s ours. On Friday (08/24) we mailed our documentation to the State of IL and the package arrived at 9AM the following Monday (08/27). We hoped for quick turnaround (same-day); but admit our expectations were a bit high. I tracked the package on Thursday (08/30), FedEx communicated a delivery the following day by 3PM. Friday came & went. Tracked the package again; customer-service confirmed the package would arrive by 3PM on Saturday. It’s 3PM. Then 4PM. I call again. Looks like there’s been some kind of plane malfunction at the Indianapolis airport; package should still arrive by 4PM (keep in mind, it is NOW past 4PM). Aaargh! 4:50 FedEx man pulls up to the curb & I practically tackle him to the ground. We have a dozen friends coming over for a backyard barbeque at any minute. Who cares! I shove the authenticated document into the waiting envelope with the rest of the dossier paperwork, drive to the local FedEx drop-off location. You guessed it; I missed the last truck of the day by 5 minutes. It’s a holiday on Monday (Labor Day) but I was assured the package would leave the following Tuesday. Oh, well. What’s a few days, right?

Stay tuned for Part IV: The Waiting Game.

The Prayer That Never Fails...

Although they were published years ago, I recently discovered Jan Karon's Mitford Series books. An easy read, fun story line & fabulous characters.

Yesterday I was reading book #4 (Out to Canaan) and throughout several chapters, the character Father Tim makes reference to "The Prayer That Never Fails...' Hmmm. I'm not sure I know what he's referring to. What's wrong with me? A follower of Christ for 10+ years and this sounds like something new. Surely if I had heard of a Bible Study about this prayer I would have bought the book, signed up for the class. Hmmm.

I became more and more frantic as I continued read. This prayer, it simply sounded to good to be true! The prayer that never fails? I need to know what this is and I need to know NOW! Come on; out with it already! I started speed-reading and then BAM...it all came together. So simple. The prayer that never fails...Thy Will Be Done.

Regardless of the challenges you face today or the decisions you must make tomorrow, may you always pray with confidence the prayer that never fails.

Adoption Journey. Part II: Why Ethiopia?

When telling others of our plans to adopt, one of the first questions asked is, “Why Ethiopia?” There’s not a direct answer; but here’s a round-about attempt.

Upon deciding to pursue adoption, we contacted Loving Shepherd Ministries (LSM) whose mission is to care for abandoned, orphaned and at-risk children around the world and help others do the same. We submitted our demographics (age, employment, health information, length of marriage, state of residence, etc) online. They responded by providing information about domestic adoption & compiled a listing of countries which we were eligible to adopt from internationally, too.

Our hearts almost instantly decided on international adoption. Mostly because of the ‘stability’ of the process versus the possible volatility of domestic adoption; specifically the heartbreak of a birthparent changing his/her mind at the last-minute. Additionally, due to the interview/selection process involved in a domestic adoption, this could have resulted in becoming parents quickly (unlikely) or within a 3-5 year time period. We communicated our preferred course of action to LSM who then provided information on each of our eligible countries listing details such as: average age of children available for adoption, estimated cost for each program, number of required trips to the country, medical ratings, length of the process from application to referral, number of US adoptions finalized the previous year, etc.

I attempted to be analytical by compiling a spreadsheet :) but, after weeks of praying, we found Ethiopia was within the top choices on each of our ‘mind-lists’. In the days & weeks following, it was simply a ‘turning of our hearts’ as we were not able to concretely identify WHY we chose to pursue a child from Africa; it simply seemed that our child was there.

Again, with assistance from LSM and some insight from FamilyLife regarding a few specific questions, we began the process of finding a local agency able to compile a HomeStudy & an adoption agency qualified to place Ethiopian children with US families. We selected an Evanston-based agency, The Cradle, for our HomeStudy and had our initial meeting on April 13, 2007. We interviewed a couple of agencies before deciding to apply to Children’s Home Society & Family Services (CHSFS) in Minnesota; our application was accepted on April 24, 2007.

Re-reading this post it appears to contain lots of fact/figure type of details & that is realistically a large part of the adoption process. There are numerous government regulations, social agencies and policies involved. But behind-the-scenes of adoption are the heartstrings. Adoption is a calling to not only give a child a home; but a family. It’s an opportunity to not only share your love with a child; but the love of Christ. It’s not simply about expanding a family; it’s also a chance for expanding God’s kingdom. 143 million children are orphans (world-wide). God has a plan for each of them and work for each of us, “O Lord, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will strengthen their heart, You will incline Your ear, to vindicate the orphan and the oppressed…” Psalm 10:17-18.

I am unable to add a video clip right now but click on the following link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6WEcrfCIwI
for a videa created by LSM putting into perspective 143 million.

Coming Next. Part III: The Paperwork Chase

Part I: Decision To Adopt...

Many have recently requested we share the details of our adoption journey. I plan to do that here in multiple posts…let’s start with the actual decision to pursue adoption.

A family. The Marriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines this term as a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head. So technically, due to our marriage & the fact that we both live at the same residence :) Blake and I are a family. Nonetheless, seemed to us that our family was a mite too small & we prayed for an increase.

I am not 100% certain when we actually began discussing adoption; it was quite a few years ago. It was always a desire of Blake’s to adopt a child & while I thought it was an okay idea, it was not something I had anticipated as being part of my life. The early conversations on the topic, due to us having very different decision-making personalities, usually ended in tears (me) and frustration. We broached the topic on-and-off for months & slowly God began to create a new vision in my mind & heart as to what our family would look like but I couldn’t bring myself to the point of action.

Then, applying a technique we learned in premarital counseling, we agreed upon a future date for 'The Discussion. The Decision'. Saturday, March 10, 2007. I am a poor verbal communicator so I spent weeks prior writing down my thoughts & feelings. Actually, let me clarify that, I spent weeks writing down by FEARS. What if I don’t like being a mom and want to send our child back? Crazy, I know! What if I’m not good at this parenting-thing? That would be my perfectionist personality coming out. What about bonding & attachment; what if our child does not like me? I imagined our child screaming the moment Blake backed out of the driveway & continuing all day long. What if he/she gets sick? Other moms tell me this is a WHEN statement, not an IF. Can we manage the expense; was it foolish to quit a full-time, high-stress job just months prior? Will our families accept/celebrate our decision? Is this God’s plan for our lives? How can we be certain? Et cetera. Et cetera. Et cetera.

Well. March 10th happened. We spent hours talking, praying, crying. And we made a decision. We’d begin the adoption process. I was committed to our decision but it was hard. Really hard. Then God sent a friend my way. She said to me, “Your fear is paralyzing you from doing what you want to do, what you should do. Your decision is not a bad one, you are simply afraid of the process. God wants to give you this gift; let Him!” Her words gave me courage, Blake’s patience gave me confidence, God’s nearness gave me peace…and so we continued taking steps forward.

Stay tuned for Part II: Why Ethiopia?

Weekend With a Busy, Busy Boy...

We spent this past weekend at my parents in Metamora & were able to 'assist' in babysitting my little nephew, Ty. What a busy, busy boy!

We arrived after midnight on Friday evening and in what seemed liked the wee-hours of the morning, I was awakened by the sounds of a little person. Now, granted I had been warned that Ty has recently developed the habit of waking up early and so I was expecting to hear some whispering, some quiet singing, the light pitter-patter of his 3-year old feet. NOPE. What awoke me were sounds of laughing, shouting and a mini-stampede which lead from his bed to the door of our room. Fortunately the handles in dad & mom's old farmhouse are a bit tricky to execute. He tried to open the door and I said in my best and-I-mean-business-voice, "Ty. Go back to bed." More jiggling of the door handle. "Ty. Go back to bed right now." And, thank goodness, it worked. At least for a little while.

It was fun having the little guy around for the weekend. I took the opportunity for a photo-shoot and here's the events captured.

Hugging the vaccum. We could not figure out a reasoning behind this one except that the vaccum is identical to hte one at his house and perhaps he was missing his mom?

Kicking back & catching up on a little reading.

Here he's hiding. The transparent box is not so effective :)

Helping out his Uncle Blake with a little technology assistance.

Another Hint...

My mom mentioned yesterday that it's surely time for another hint in regards to our little guy's name (see Give Me An "A" if you're unsure what I am referring to). So, here is the next letter. Remember, could be the first letter, the last or anywhere in between.

AND, since you've all waited so patiently, I'm throwing in a bonus clue. Our name is MORE than 3 letters (or this little guessing game would be over much too quickly) but LESS than 12 letters (or the poor little guy would give up at writing his name before the second day of kindergarten!)